Unknown illness and a walking Mischief

One Friday morning, i woke somewhat still tiered, but that is not unusual for me seen as the sandman often makes a bypass round my house and avoids putting me to sleep, or even keeping me to sleep. Not even the adult version in the form of little blue pills brings on the much needed cuddly sleep creature. But this is all irrelevant and inconsequential to that story that is about to unfold.
I got up and dealt with the day at hand. Went through the motions of getting the mischiefs their breakfast and dealing with the days normal issues when you have children.
At 1pm i bundled the mischiefs in the car and ventured out to do a few things before we need to arrive at a 1 year olds birthday party. The party was good, and the mischiefs had fun. At 3.30pm i start gathering everything and think about heading home. By the time i arrive home at 4pm im starting to feel a mild twinge in my throat. Only 3 hours later when the mischiefs were in bed my throat was becoming rather swore, my head was starting to pound and my chest was getting a twinge of pain. By 9pm i was lying in bed not really wanting to move, by body was starting to ache.
I was forever waking up that night finding it a struggle to breath. At one stage i had to find a bucket to have beside my bed because when ever i had a sip of water it did not feel like it would stay where it was meant to. What on earth could come on so fast and so viciously? When the mischiefs got up at 7am, i was unable to move. I was in a fair amount of pain from head to toe. The only thought i had was this is the flu, i have had the flu before and this was very much what i had felt like. Except this was slightly different. The aches and pains and the mildly blocked nose with a sore throat where all things i knew with the flu, except this not knowing if i could hold water down was something i had not experienced with this virus. Could this flu i have be the dreaded H1N1 Swine flu? Sometime that morning my Branch President of My church had shown up to give me a blessing. While he was there i rung the urgent doctors because i wanted to know what the difference was between the "normal" flu and swine flu. The nurse on the phone wanted me to come down and get checked out because she could tell that i was having difficulties breathing. So the hunt was on to find someone to look after the mischiefs while President took me to the Doctors because i was clearly in no state to drive and take myself. We found someone (amassing Esther and her awesome hubby Moo ... They need a post all of their own in order to give them the right gratitude that i have) so off i went. Luckily because i had trouble breathing and chest pain i was seen right away. But come to think of it, i don't think they believed me because they took my temperature (i was already so dopped up on panadole which not only is a pain killer but it brings your temperature down) and it was high but not extremely high, and even though it was painful to breath, my blood was still getting a very good amount of oxygen in it. They looked at my throat and saw it was red, so gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. Didn't tell me why my chest hurt or why my entire body felt like i had been thrown out of a 10 story building. I wanted to know what exactly was wrong with me. But i was far to much away with the fairies to even to think about asking what they thought was wrong with me before i stumbled back out the front door. Later that night Esther and Moo turn up and find me in my bedroom struggling to breath. My chest was hurting as much as what labour pains feel like and im not talking about those beginning stages of labour pains, i mean the full on take your breath away tears flowing down your face sore because you opted to not have drugs. I then got checked out again by someone, this time it was paramedics that Ester had called for, but they had said that i was ok and didn't exactly believe me that i had a flu.
Wow this is turning into a much larger post than i had anticipated. So cutting a long story short, I was extremely sick. Im not one to complain when im sick and it takes an awful lot to knock me off my feet. This mystery illness did. Was it the dreaded swine flu or some other nasty greebly that found its way into my system.

But during this ordeal, Mischief number 3 - Madison, decided to put one foot in front of the other and try out walking. She is now walking all around the house and enjoying it immensely. Although sometimes to much as she get over excited and falls down. That is when i to fall on the floor with fits of laughter.

Three walking mischiefs ... what ever shell i do?

Random Occurrence

Tonight for dinner i made scrumptious Home made burgers where i even make the beef patties ... mmmm yum. One thing i like in my burgers is an egg. I cracked open an egg and let it drop into they fry pan, this is what come out ......



Double Yolk Egg. How awesome am i ha ha.

Happy thoughts

AHHHH i need happy thoughts.
Today was an ok day, but the evening has be somewhat stressful, since i was accused of playing little teenage games that i have clearly grown out of. You judge others by your own yard stick - one of my flaws that i am working on - but some people are clearly judging me by theirs. Just because they are still teenagers and like to play silly little games and what not, they seem to think that i do as well. For example - fake online accounts to stalk people with. This is one thing that i will not do. If i was to annoy someone i will do it straight up and not behind any kind of fake name. Second of all i just got frustrated with hearing about someone who really isn't worth my time and i blew up, in public (well as much as the net can be), not behind anything fake. Which then in turn spiraled into some teenage catty fight. Im over them. I had my last one when i was 19 and never intended to have another one. But during this "fight" i found out that this person has been spreading some very nasty things about me. I am fuming mad right now. So before i go to bed, I am going to list as many things as i can that i am thankful for in my life and think happy thoughts. Right now this is going to be hard. Here goes.....

* My gorgeous Mischiefs - even though they do make life hard at times, i love them to bits
* I own my own home - even though its a mess all the time and its drawn all over, its still MINE

..... stop the negative attitude after please ......
Ah its hard to think when your in a mood like this. Must push on.

* I don't have to shear my bed with a snorer. Its peaceful when i sleep. although most nights i sleep with the tv on because it helps me sleep.
* Flowers - Flowers are pretty - although some do smell bad.
* Painting - Although i was ment to finish my painting im doing for Jakob tonight but that got side tracked.

Its amazing how hard this is when you are in a bad mood. But i can't go to bed like this.

* Devins Prayers. He prayed the other night and thanked the lord for his transformer toy.
* Nice music - its always calming
* New Friends who you can really open up to and talk to. Its times like that when you know the lord is looking out for you.
* Hugs - mischief hugs are the best. Maddy Loves hugging at the moment.
* Watching my kids sleep - thats when i love them the most that a tear comes to my eyes.
* Hills - so i can have my house on top of one and see the beautiful view
* Pets - they love you no matter what
* Ice cream
* Hot chocolates in bed
* fluffy pillows
* Warm beds with the electric blanket on
* Pre-school
* Teddy bears
* Warm fires
* Random comments that make me laugh
* GLITTER ... its the most funnest thing around.

* I have a Cabby tat. I am so thank full for that. Not everyone will understand what i just said. She just tells me random things. No im not hearing voices - although im not far off that i would think
* Cabby tat told me to add that im thankfull for New Rocks. I LOVE then to bits. I should wear mine more often.
* Black eye liner with a smudging end
* Purple eye shadow
* BUNNIES (sorry couldn't help myself)
* My little brothers hat that i love to bits that he left in Christchirch now ive got claim on it
* Bubbles. I love bubbles
* Fairy wings are the best as well. If i get married again i MUST wear wings
* Lazy boy chairs
* Queen size beds with King size covers
* Spiders - not the scarry creepy crawly type. But the ones where its ice cream and fizzy
* Tim tam slam

Ok there is so much more that i can say now. So my work here is done. Good night all and i hope to sleep well tonight.

A much needed catch up.

It has been almost 2 months since my last post, in which i am sorry about, but unfortunately i have had a some rather serious things to deal with that i did know where coming but they still knocked me for 6 when they happened. So, scene as it has been almost 2 months i feel it is time for a much needed update to my little life.

Well first off, an update of Jakob and I. Many of you know almost exactly what is going on in that department because the justice system is oh so kind to estranged wives and protecting them form the shame and embarrassment of the ordeal, so they did not grant name suppression which in tern landed him a story on the court page of the Otago Daily Times. That did really great things to my self esteem, self worth and dignity. If you don't know well then that's good, all you need to know is that is currently taking up residence in the Otago Corrections Facility aka Milton Hilton with a sentence of 2 years 4 month, which means his first parole hearing is due in February. Its odd that they can call it a Corrections Facility when all they do it lock you in a cell for most of the day and offer little if no support to correct the behaviour that found you locked up there in the first place. If they wanted to change the name from Jail to Corrections Facility then they should change the structure of it so its more fitting. If they are not willing to do that, then you may as well just keep the name of Jail. Political Correctness drives me insane.
Even though for the majority of this year, i have known that he was going to Jail, it did throw me somewhat. He did get longer than i had thought, but then again "do the crime, do the time". And that is very much his thoughts on the matter as well. It was still hard seen as i had been trying to keep what has been going on to myself, then suddenly everyone who reads the paper now knows the story. Although not a completely accurate version of events seen as the defense was made up of a twisted, vindictive, disgrace of a woman who doesn't deserve the title of Woman. I can not wait until Karma gives her a call and bitch slaps her around. Although that is a whole other post to vent about.
His court day happened on the 12th of May, only 2 days before our 3rd mischief Madison was to turn the beloved 1 year old. Since then i have been floating around trying to keep myself together. I have my good times and my bad. I've been swinging from wanting to sleep all the time to not even my little blue pills the doctor gave me are even helping me fall asleep.
I know that if you do the crime you have to do the time, but he was still a great support for me. He would still come over and take the kids off my hands so i can have some much needed me time and he would help me clean my house and also give me money when i needed. But now due to the justice system my support has been ripped away from my children and i and left me with very little in that department. There isn't much justice in that. The lest they could have done was give me some more support seen as they took my main support away. I had to fill out a form the other day for my parenting group, it asked for my next of kin - someone to contact if something was to go wrong. I sat there and almost cried and sadly turned to the group leader and asked "what do i write if i have no one?". That felt rather depressing.
I would say that i am going through the motions of grief. Right at this point i am going through anger. I am very angry right now and especially at Jakob for putting me in this situation. I never signed up for this. I signed up to be married for time and all eternity, not to be left to be a solo mum of 3 kids with absolutely no trust for anyone else to ever come into my life. What happened has left me very broken and i just seem to think that if my Husband can do what he did, then there is nothing stopping anyone else from doing it. Now I'm starting to ramble and that's not a good thing when i am in this mood. So anger .. I am angry, but i am not a vindictive person, so i will not do anything long lasting with that anger, for example burn all his cloths that he has left here. That's tempting, but i could never do that.
Due to Jakob being in Jail, he is about to declare himself Bankrupt. I spoke to my lawyer the other day about this and she is doing some research into how this will affect me. That is stressful, but then at least it will stop all the debt collectors from bombarding my house with phone calls and letters demanding Jakob to pay them.
The mischiefs are doing ok. They do miss their dad and love getting phone calls from him.
When Jakob went away i sat Devin down and i told him that Daddy had to move away for a little bit because he is in big boy time out. I thought he would not understand the term Jail or even Corrections Facility but i thought he would understand time out. I have also talked about the difference between big boy time out which daddy is having and little boy time out which Devin has. Calling it time out has saved me from embarrassment. As little kids are they do like to talk a lot about what pops in there head and Devin has told a fair few people that his daddy is in time out. To the people who do not know his situation, time out can mean anything, they would not immediately presume that he is referring to jail.
I have also put pictures of each child and their father beside their bed, so they don't forget what he looks like. I will never run their father down to them, no mater what has happened or will happen between Jakob and I. It is highly unfair to do so.

Other aspects of my life ... well there really isn't much to update you on that seen as there isn't much else to my life than looking after the kids and dealing with all that has happened.
I will try to post more often. My Wii may get repossessed due to the bankruptcy so ill need some other form on mind numbing entertainment. Not that posting is mind numbing, but playing odd games on Facebook is.

Mummy Devin day

A of the beginning of this school term, Devin started morning Kindy, and Madison started Pre-school 2 days a week. This means that on Monday and Wednesday afternoon, is Mummy Devin time.
Being a solo mum, i have found that Devin has taken a hit the hardest. He is not coping as well as the girls, so i thought it rather important that i have that one on one special time with him.

Today was the first day that i was able to have that special one on one time with him, (the other days have been filled up with me dragging him around to meetings or such forth), which he asked to go to the park and i thought, why not. there is nothing stopping us from running around the park together.

Here are some pictures of the afternoon.

Start at the dinosaur park
(the favourite park of my siblings and i when we visited Dunedin)

Then we went to the beach

It was such a fun time. It was really good to just chillax and have fun with him. Lately i have been to wound up with responsibility that i forgot that it can be fun to.
I can't wait till the next time Devin and i can have fun again. I think we both need it.

Lets play a game - Answer

Very good. I loved reading what you all thought. Erika - air, rather clever. You are the closest person because you did think very obviously. Of course air is going to be one of the things that are in there.

This box has come about due to having to take drastic measures to stop the mischiefs from destroying our house anymore. Im not overly stressed about it because im going to change all the wall paper anyway, but its not a good habit to have the kids get into.

This is what is in the box .......

This is why they are in a locked box.......

I have tried many other approaches to prevent this from occurring but they have all failed. Most of the crayons have been eaten by the little girl mischiefs which is a relief seen as the crayon seems to be the choice weapon of war against my walls, but i still feel it necessary to lock all the pencils away as well.

Often i would put the kids to bed with the illusion that all the crayons are safely in the top draw, only to wake in the morning to find a new colour sprawled through the already artistic mural they have lovingly created.
So enough is enough, everything i can find that they will use as a decorating tool for my walls, will now be locked in this box.

Now lets hope that Devin doesn't start learning how to open the lock.

Would you really

Would you really stay strong? Would you really stay strong in the face of your worst nightmare?

I have tried so hard for so long to stay strong, but this year has been the hardest. From the end of last year to this current day, one of my worst nightmares has been playing out.

Last year i cried to my mum and said "what happens if blah blah blah happens? I don't think i will ever be able to cope with that if it happened." What i said to her was one of my worst nightmares. Most of you happy mormons will never have to worry about that happening to you, so you can say all you like about how you would cope, but would you really?
Since September last year it hasn't just been the one thing of Jakob walking away from the marriage, it has been blow after blow after blow as my nightmare unfolds, And today is going to be yet another blow. It has been blows both emotionally and spiritually. This nightmare is far from over and all i have herd from people is how everyone is gossiping and saying "Im not going to go out and do stupid things just becasue im not coping". Id love to see half of you deal with ALL i have to deal with and see if you stay strong.
I am alone in this. I have no family down here and my only friends are those in the church, or so i thought. The only person who checks in on my everyday and makes sure im still here is Jakob and he is having to move away today. He doesn't want to move away but he has no choice and must go. I realized the other day that anything could happen to me, i could die in my sleep from a stroke or something and no one will know for a few weeks. Its not odd at all for me no to see or hear from anyone for a few weeks. My closest friends live either in Christchurch or Wanganui and im stuck here without them. I can't move back home right now becasue i can not sell my house without getting into massive debt, and i can not rent my house out becasue i will still loose money if i do and i can't afford that. Right now, i am stuck in Dunedin with no help or support, only people who want to sit around and gossip. How fair is that?

This is not a blog about "woe is me", This is a blog about "do not judge or gossip". Gossip and judging distroys people, especially when they are getting distroyed from other things as well.

Do not judge me for reacting the way i am in the situation i have been forced into. Due to the selfish actions of others, i am hear in one of my worst nightmares. Stop judging and gossiping!!