forbidden fun with a Cabby tat, and a brand new body.

Friday the 17th was a very anticipated day. That was the day that i got to drive out to the airport to pick up my best friend Catherine, or Cabby tat as i call her.
I meet her back when i was about 19 and thought i needed her as a friend. Turns out, my judgment was spot on. She was exactly who i needed at that time of my life and i think she will forever be someone i need in my life.
As soon as i told her that Jakob had left again, she looks online and starts organizing for herself to fly down from Wanganui.

I am so thankful that she came. She was exactly what i needed right now. We just have so much fun together and the dynamics of our friendship has not changed even with months and miles apart.

One thing that i am doing right now is making my bedroom MY bedroom. So what do i want to do in my bedroom more than anything else .... PAINT ON MY WALLS!
I now know why the little mischiefs like to draw on walls. Its so much fun. Before anyone starts to stress and worry about my walls i would just like to point out that it is MY house and the wall paper in my room needs to be replaced soon because it has mould stains on it and it is starting to peal. So i thought, why not have some fun and decorate things my way for once before i change the paper. Just right now in my life, i need to paint on my walls. Its so much fun and made me very happy.

Cabby Tat painting a star

Painting Bubbles

My Butterfly

I'll Be Better Now!

~~~~~~~

With all this stress that is going on in my life, i have lost a fair amount of weight. My cloths no longer fit me, so i went out yesterday and bought some new cloths.

I walked into Jay Jays and grabbed a size 14 because thats what i do. I actually picked a size 14 a couple of months ago and almost ran out the store crying because i couldn't squeeze into them, so i thought, i should be able to fit them now, right? I go to try them on and get a shock, not only can i do them up, but i can't keep them up. So i go and get a 12 ... same thing, still a bit loose. I then try a 10. How on earth can i squeeze into a size 10 pair of pants. So here are some pictures of my transformation. The last picture i have of myself was about 2 weeks before Madison was born.

Before

After

Not as old as i thought i was!!

Imagine my horror to find 2 white hairs on my head. I'm only 24 how can i be going gray now?? Sure enough i have had one baby after the other which takes a huge toll on your body, but I'm still 24, my mum who is almost twice my age still has not gone completely gray. I suddenly felt rather old and quickly pulled them out.

The other night i was talking with my sister in law Miriam who had come down for a week. I mentioned i found some white hairs and at first she was as shocked as i was to hear about the misfortune of my premature aging. But upon her questioning, we came to the conclusion that the hairs were not white with age, but were white with stress.

Apparently hair can turn white with stress. The hairs i found where completely white from root to tip where as if it was age it would start from the roots and grow out white. I just woke up one morning and there they were. It was if they appeared over night, long and white. She mentioned that Johanna (another sister in law of mine) had found some of her roots growing in gray.

So i am no longer as old as what i thought i was, but am now more stressed than what i thought i was. I do now regret pulling them out, now that i know they are not from old age. I can now celebrate. I'm still young!

Bad day.

Today was a bad day.

Well the day wasn't bad. I had fun with the kids. Although Madison has now come out in chickenpox, but so far she is doing good. But after the kids went to bed, i feel apart.

I have been trying so hard to keep everything inside, and ignore the fact that my husband is no longer around. And he is no longer there. The man that i was sealed to only just a year ago is no longer there. There is just a someone who looks kind of like him that comes around to spend time with the kids, But the person inside is no longer there.

Devin i think is taking it the hardest. Never underestimate the understanding of a 3 year old. He knows that daddy isn't here so much, he knows he doesn't get to see his daddy as much anymore, he know that daddy doesn't get him up some mornings anymore and he knows that daddy doesn't sleep in mummies room anymore. And hes angry about it. He snobs Jakob when he comes round and he is making life somewhat difficult with his tantrum outbursts of demanding he needs of tv and cookies and refusing to do anything else. Recently he has become more defiant and angery.

Jahshia - Every time someone walks through the front door she screams "Dadad Dadad" and is rather put out if it is not him. She is such a daddies girl and she adores him.

I don't like seeing my kids like this, it breaks my heart.

Tonight was a bad night, i fell apart and cried so much. But tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow i will pick myself up and continue on with the things that need to be done.

Solo Mum

Well i feel that i need to write about this sooner or later, so why not do it now.
It will most likely be a short post, just because i do not want to dwell on this for too long.

Well as some of you know and some of you don't know, for the last month Jakob has been standing at the front door claiming he is leaving. Well On Monday night he finally did. He actually moved out to another house. Not just his mums or a friends for a bit but signed a 3 month lease on a room near the University.

I am trying to look at the positives of this situation because if i dwell on the negative then i become a big ball of blubbering mess that would never be able to get up in the morning.
So the positives are ...

• I can now make MY bed they way that I like MY bed to be made.
• I can now have MY bedroom the way I like it.
• I can now decorate MY bedroom and MY house the way I want to.
• It has forced me to look at my life and the things i need to improve on. Before the kids had Jakob to lean on when mummy was stressed, but now they don't so much, so my kids need me to fix me now. Hence the previous post.
• And lastly - Stress is a very good weight loss. Ive lost all the weight i gained by having the girls, now its just Devins weight i need to loose. And im starting to squeeze myself into some of my B.C cloths (B.C = Before children)

The things that are keeping me afloat at this time is daily prayers and lots of priesthood blessings. Without those, Id fall apart.

I don't want people to think badly about him because these things happen. So please no comments about how much of a jerk he is. I am angry, but anger isn't going to get me anywhere.
We were sitting at the bank the other day, getting separate bank accounts, and we were talking with the lady about Winz and how they see it odd that Jakob and i are on speaking terms. They expect us not to be. And i just said "look we have got kids together. We have to be friends and speak to each other. And we have already done the arguing and me trying to hit him with the car, its now time to be friends"
On Monday night when he was moving, i just fell apart. He was planning on going on Wednesday, which would have been fine because the kids would have been at pre-school and all i had to deal with was him moving. But Monday he came home and said he was leaving now, while i had screaming chickenpox scabbed kids refusing to go in the bath, then when they got in the bath they pooed. It was all to much for me to handle. All i wanted to do was get in the car, drive round the corner, park up and cry. But he wouldn't let me go and stood in front of the car. I didn't try to hit him with the car. I just edge it forward to try and get him out the way. When he left I then spent the rest of the night cleaning MY room and moving things around.

So that's whats going on in the little old life of mine right now. Solo mum.