Would you really stay strong? Would you really stay strong in the face of your worst nightmare?
I have tried so hard for so long to stay strong, but this year has been the hardest. From the end of last year to this current day, one of my worst nightmares has been playing out.
Last year i cried to my mum and said "what happens if blah blah blah happens? I don't think i will ever be able to cope with that if it happened." What i said to her was one of my worst nightmares. Most of you happy mormons will never have to worry about that happening to you, so you can say all you like about how you would cope, but would you really?
Since September last year it hasn't just been the one thing of Jakob walking away from the marriage, it has been blow after blow after blow as my nightmare unfolds, And today is going to be yet another blow. It has been blows both emotionally and spiritually. This nightmare is far from over and all i have herd from people is how everyone is gossiping and saying "Im not going to go out and do stupid things just becasue im not coping". Id love to see half of you deal with ALL i have to deal with and see if you stay strong.
I am alone in this. I have no family down here and my only friends are those in the church, or so i thought. The only person who checks in on my everyday and makes sure im still here is Jakob and he is having to move away today. He doesn't want to move away but he has no choice and must go. I realized the other day that anything could happen to me, i could die in my sleep from a stroke or something and no one will know for a few weeks. Its not odd at all for me no to see or hear from anyone for a few weeks. My closest friends live either in Christchurch or Wanganui and im stuck here without them. I can't move back home right now becasue i can not sell my house without getting into massive debt, and i can not rent my house out becasue i will still loose money if i do and i can't afford that. Right now, i am stuck in Dunedin with no help or support, only people who want to sit around and gossip. How fair is that?
This is not a blog about "woe is me", This is a blog about "do not judge or gossip". Gossip and judging distroys people, especially when they are getting distroyed from other things as well.
Do not judge me for reacting the way i am in the situation i have been forced into. Due to the selfish actions of others, i am hear in one of my worst nightmares. Stop judging and gossiping!!
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4 comments:
Oh, dear girl! I know you wouldn't be feeling this way unless some people have you let you down. But you must remember, the adversary is using them, and also trying to make you feel like "everyone" is being that way. I assure you that there are more people that love you and sincerely care than there are that can't restrain themselves! I'm sorry to hear that the latter group is standing out right now! I know that when I have just thought, "Wow, things are really bad right now", then gossip about me and how I'm handling whatever's "really bad right now" seems to be the adversary's proverbial icing on the cake. He thinks when we are weakened we are more subject to what OTHER people think...and sometimes, he's right. What I remind myself, is that he's trying to distract me from what I must remember - there is only ONE person's whose opinion matters; Heavenly Father loves you.
Sweetheart, people always judge and gossip and want to think themselves better than others. The truth is most of them are probably afraid that they would handle things far less well than you, and are doing their best to convince themselves and others otherwise.People! They SUCK.
You are the strongest person I know. Way stronger than I am. I saw how hard things were with my sister raising a child by herself and you're raising THREE. And you're a doing far better job of it than she was, without the support of family and friends close by. You rock hard!
Nobody is perfect, not even the saints. And dammit we all need to break down and do silly or even stupid things sometimes. Especially us random crazy types. There are always things we can do better, but the important thing is to have a lot more things that we could've done worse.
So yeah. Those gossips that think they're so smart? They can go fuck themselves. They haven't been there. They've never had to deal with such hard things in their smug little lives. They don't know shit. But you do. You are awesome and cool and a good mother. You got handed a crap situation to deal with and you're handling it. And you're getting better at it all the time. You're getting stronger, not weaker, as time goes on, and eventually when things even out (it WILL happen) you will look back and be proud of yourself for coping as well as you have. As I am proud of you right now.
I'm just really pissed off at those gossiping tards that are all talk and no help. LOSERS!
P.S. Apologies for all the swearing:)
Wow, i love what 'Devil may cry' said.... i totally agree!!!!!!
Whatever happens, you WILL handle it and you will be more the stronger for it and your kids when they grow up will appreciate your amazing strongness and the fact that you were totally there for them throughout this whole messy situation.
Things will get easier I promise, you are such an amazing chic and I admire you for being sooooo strong.
I believe in you my love.
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