Bad day.

Today was a bad day.

Well the day wasn't bad. I had fun with the kids. Although Madison has now come out in chickenpox, but so far she is doing good. But after the kids went to bed, i feel apart.

I have been trying so hard to keep everything inside, and ignore the fact that my husband is no longer around. And he is no longer there. The man that i was sealed to only just a year ago is no longer there. There is just a someone who looks kind of like him that comes around to spend time with the kids, But the person inside is no longer there.

Devin i think is taking it the hardest. Never underestimate the understanding of a 3 year old. He knows that daddy isn't here so much, he knows he doesn't get to see his daddy as much anymore, he know that daddy doesn't get him up some mornings anymore and he knows that daddy doesn't sleep in mummies room anymore. And hes angry about it. He snobs Jakob when he comes round and he is making life somewhat difficult with his tantrum outbursts of demanding he needs of tv and cookies and refusing to do anything else. Recently he has become more defiant and angery.

Jahshia - Every time someone walks through the front door she screams "Dadad Dadad" and is rather put out if it is not him. She is such a daddies girl and she adores him.

I don't like seeing my kids like this, it breaks my heart.

Tonight was a bad night, i fell apart and cried so much. But tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow i will pick myself up and continue on with the things that need to be done.