Solo Mum

Well i feel that i need to write about this sooner or later, so why not do it now.
It will most likely be a short post, just because i do not want to dwell on this for too long.

Well as some of you know and some of you don't know, for the last month Jakob has been standing at the front door claiming he is leaving. Well On Monday night he finally did. He actually moved out to another house. Not just his mums or a friends for a bit but signed a 3 month lease on a room near the University.

I am trying to look at the positives of this situation because if i dwell on the negative then i become a big ball of blubbering mess that would never be able to get up in the morning.
So the positives are ...

• I can now make MY bed they way that I like MY bed to be made.
• I can now have MY bedroom the way I like it.
• I can now decorate MY bedroom and MY house the way I want to.
• It has forced me to look at my life and the things i need to improve on. Before the kids had Jakob to lean on when mummy was stressed, but now they don't so much, so my kids need me to fix me now. Hence the previous post.
• And lastly - Stress is a very good weight loss. Ive lost all the weight i gained by having the girls, now its just Devins weight i need to loose. And im starting to squeeze myself into some of my B.C cloths (B.C = Before children)

The things that are keeping me afloat at this time is daily prayers and lots of priesthood blessings. Without those, Id fall apart.

I don't want people to think badly about him because these things happen. So please no comments about how much of a jerk he is. I am angry, but anger isn't going to get me anywhere.
We were sitting at the bank the other day, getting separate bank accounts, and we were talking with the lady about Winz and how they see it odd that Jakob and i are on speaking terms. They expect us not to be. And i just said "look we have got kids together. We have to be friends and speak to each other. And we have already done the arguing and me trying to hit him with the car, its now time to be friends"
On Monday night when he was moving, i just fell apart. He was planning on going on Wednesday, which would have been fine because the kids would have been at pre-school and all i had to deal with was him moving. But Monday he came home and said he was leaving now, while i had screaming chickenpox scabbed kids refusing to go in the bath, then when they got in the bath they pooed. It was all to much for me to handle. All i wanted to do was get in the car, drive round the corner, park up and cry. But he wouldn't let me go and stood in front of the car. I didn't try to hit him with the car. I just edge it forward to try and get him out the way. When he left I then spent the rest of the night cleaning MY room and moving things around.

So that's whats going on in the little old life of mine right now. Solo mum.

I'll be better when ...

I have just read a post from an awesome woman who has inspired me to look at my life slightly different and write this post. Thanks

One thing i seem to say to myself a lot is that "I'll be better when ..."
Ill be a better mum when im not so tiered, Ill be better at exercising when im not so tiered, ill be happier when im not so stressed, I'll be a better person to live with when the kids are older and not so needy of my time an energy, Ill be better at cleaning when my time isn't taken up so much by little mischiefs ... I'll be better when ...
I'm forever making this excuse. When i read the post i started to realize that i will forever make this excuse until i decide enough is enough.

Well there are some huge life changes happening right now. Some of you know and some of you don't, and for those who don't, don't worry i am about to post about it soon. Im just waiting for the right time.

So in the light of these new changes i have decided enough is enough. No more excuses because my mischiefs do not need a mother who is full off excuses. Well apart from excercising, i still have excuses there because it is hard to go for a run when you don't have anyone to mind the kids. But my kids need me now to be the better mum, they need me now to be a more plesant person to live with, They need me now not later.

Enough is enough, no more excuses. Its not going to be easy but life isn't easy. I will slip up, i know i will but thats not going to stop me from trying again and again till i am better now because i know that i can be.

I am going to make a little poster and put it on my wall with the saying "I'll be better NOW!!" So every morning when i get up, i will remind myself, enough is enough.

Chickenpox stole my weekend!!

As a mother there are no such things as weekends. I work from about 6.30am till about 10.30pm everyday, 7 days a week. calculate that and its an average of 112 hours a weeks. More than 2 full time jobs combined. For 18 hours of that week, i only have 1 mischief to deal with while the other 2 are at pre-school. Another 6 hours i only deal with my 2 girl mischiefs. The 18 hours happens on Monday 9 hours and Wednesday 9 hours. I consider these days my weekend days. I know they are broken up but its still my "days off". I cherish these days.

Today is a weekend day. Today i planned to do the grocery shopping, buy a present for Ella's birthday on Saturday which the mischiefs are going to, walk around town, do some house work and have a sleep. I was looking forward to today. You could then imagine my horror as i dressed the mischiefs this morning to find some rather ominous blistering spots on them. Chickenpox are going around and my mischiefs did not escape from the jaws of this evil bug. So even tho everyone at pre-school has been exposed to it, its still policy to keep them at home. One good thing tho is that they are not fazed by the ordeal. They are not trying to scratch, they are not sick, they don't have a temperature, they just have spots.
So today we went off to the doctor and confirmed that its chickenpox, then came the fun part ... Shopping!! I needed to go grocery shopping and had to take all 3 mischiefs with me. It wasn't actually that bad. Madison and Jahshia sat in the trolley while Devin helped me get things we needed. We ran into Sarah and Ella at the store. The mischiefs are in home based care and Sarah is the persons house they go to and Ella is her daughter. For a good part of the day Sarah had no children but her own seen as mine weren't aloud to be there. For the rest of the way around the shop all Jahshia was yelling was "Ella Ella". We also ran into Mary and her 2 children Samuel and Rebeca.
Then came the present hunting. I tried to take as little time as possible seen as kids in a toy section is not the funnest thing ever.
Then we went home for a sleep. Jahshia fell asleep in the car and Madison fell asleep not long after. So while Devin sat down and Watched "The Never Ending Story" for the 100th time, i had a lie down. It was nice but not as good as the sleep that i was looking forward to.

So with the Mischiefs with chickenpox, who knows when i will get another weekend day.

I just got a txt from Sarah. Ella has them now to and she is still going to be taking children at her house if parents are ok with it. That means weekends are back on. Friday Devins at pre-school!!

Mana Wahine

Disclaimer

I would just like to point out that i am not a feminist. If anything i am and equalist, if thats anything at all. I believe we all have our roles and responsibilities in this life and not one is greater than the other but instead they go hand in hand with each other.

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Mana
1. (noun) prestige, authority, control, power, influence, status, spiritual power, charisma - mana is a supernatural force in a person, place or object.

Wahine
(noun) women, females, ladies, wives.


What "Woman" means to me.

The are many different ways to say what gender you are. In particular a female.
There is ..

• Female
• Lady
• Girl
• Chick
• Woman
  

- Female
When i hear the word female i think specifically think of gender - Female, Male.

- Lady
When i hear this word i think about the manor in which one must present herself. Lady-like.
Poised with a calm, collected, disposition. One must never perspire and act with dignity and grace.

-Girl
This word is summed up rather easily. Little.

-Chick
When someone is called a chick i associate it with a friend, mate - my chick friends.

-Woman
This word conjures up some very powerful feelings.
To me this word means strength, courage, durability, wisdom, patients and mother heart.

A mother heart does not mean that you are a mother or even need to be one to gain a mother heart. Some mothers do not have a mother heart and some that are still waiting to be mothers have the strongest ones i know. A mother heart is someone who is caring, nurturing and loving to those around her.

To me woman have strength to deal with all that life has to throw at her, courage to stand up for what she believes, durability to withstand all the rubbish that gets tossed her way by others, wisdom to guide herself and family through the mists of life and patients to help her deal again with life.

I consider myself a woman. Not a perfect woman but i do the best that i can with what i have and therefore i feel that that is all that is expected of me. I do consider myself to be strong. Life has thrown many speed bumps my way, more than what i would think the average 24 year old has had to deal with in life, and i feel that every single on of those speed bumps have molded and shaped me into being strong. I do have my flaky moments but i also think that part of being strong is letting yourself have those flaky moments and then picking yourself up to get on with what needs to be done. Strong also means that you are able to ask for help when you need it and acknowledge when you do need help. That is definitely something i need to work on. Understanding when i need help and being able to ask for it.
I believe i have courage to stand up for what i believe in and for my truths and who i am. I believe that i do stick to my values with strength.
Durability. Wow you have to have durability when you have children and a husband. I am still standing and will forever stand against the hard knocks that get thrown my way.
I don't know if i have wisdom. I have common sense and i think more than what some others may have. Its odd to think that common sense isn't exactly common. I hope that one day my common sense will turn into wisdom.
I do have some patients and it is tried everyday, but i do have some patients.

Ever since i gave birth to Devin, i have said that giving birth is the most un lady-like thing anyone can do, but it is the most womanly thing that you will ever do.

If there was only one thing i could achieve in this life, it would be to insure that my girls grow up to be Women.

I am a Woman. Not a perfect woman but i do the best that i can with what i have.

A time for planting.

Over the weekend my mum came down to visit. She helped me a bit in my garden and we bought some pansy seeds. We got some of the rocks that are in my back yard and decided to make a rock garden for them.
Seen as today is a nice day i thought id get the mischiefs to help me plant the seeds in our garden.

We have our seeds and our watering can....



First I spreads the seeds around the garden and cover them up.

Then comes the fun part ....

First Devin waters the garden ...

Then Jahshia gives it ago ....

But then Devin gives her some unwanted help!!

But my garden is all watered now ... hopefully not to watered.
Now the kids will have fun watching their rock garden grow with lots of pretty flowers im sure the will just pick.

Oh so cute

The most cutest thing just happened and i thought it required a post right away. It's also rather funny i think.

Jahshia just came to me and wanted her baby wrapped up. So i proceeded to wrap her little baby doll. As i was finishing, i saw behind her Devin clutching his Lightning McQueen with a blanket. As i handed Jahshia her nicely wrapped baby, Devin jumps up in front of me and says "Wrap my Queen". So i then had to wrap his McQueen - with a little giggle of course.

Lovingly wrapped toys

Random road trips and a 20yr old goldfish

Monday morning i woke and got both Devin and Jahshia ready for pre-school and as i was doing so i was making lists of all the things that i was going to do that day.
Drop kids kids, Breakfast, start doing washing and hang it, clean up house especially kitchen and lounge, sleep if i can, go see my nana at 3pm and pick Jakob up at 4. Nothing out of the usual.
After i so happily dropped them off at day care i received a phone call from Jakob telling me his grandfather only had 3 weeks left to live and he would like to go see him. Family is very important so i proceeded to look on-line for the cheapest flights up to Auckland. His mum was heading up as well but she already had her tickets and his mum wanted Trinity (his little sister) to come up as well. The flights from Dunedin to Auckland where not as much as i had thought they would be but i thought id check flights from Christchurch. As i expected, it was much cheaper for our family and Trinity to drive up to Christchurch. While the kids and i stay at my parents, Jakob and Trinity fly up to Auckland. Jakob would prefer to see his Grandfather before he passes than go to his funeral, which i think if i were giving the same situation, i would choose the same.
So for the remainder of the day i was booking flights and getting us ready to suddenly drive 4-5 hours north. We finally set off about 5:50 and with many stops to feed hungry mouths (especially the littlest mischief), we arrived safe at about 11pm.

We all then got up early Tuesday morning to get Jakob and Trinity off to the Airport for their flight. I was hoping to take Devin in and see the planes but with a lack of parking and time we just dropped them off.

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Our next adventure was to find mgy mums work. She works in a Kindy in Avonhead which isn't to far from the Airport. We found it with no problems and in no time both Devin and Jahshia found fun things to do.

First Devin found the sandpit ...

And Jahshia found the babbies ...

Madison found cuddles.

Devin found frogs (one of his favourite animals)...

Jahshia found ribons and music...

They both found paints.

Then it was time for home, lunch and sleep. Jahshia was so tired she just crashed. but not before playing dress-ups with a pull-up

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Wednesday we got up and got ready to go for a picnic and feed the ducks. It was very nice day, one that was perfect for a picnic. Once we had gotten ready and found my wallet that was loving hidden by little hands, we set off to pick up my friend Pete and head of to the gardens.
It was such a nice relaxing time. I sat on the rug feeding Madison while Pete ran around with my mischiefs. They just loved it and adored him. We then went to feed the ducks. but there weren't that many around but that was ok because the kids just wanted to eat the bread anyway.

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Since we have arrive, Madison has been rather unsettled and feeding a lot. But i did manage to get a few pictures of her and her Auntie Brenna last night ...

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My parents have a gold fish. They got this goldfish when i was 4 years old. Im now 24 years old and the same gold fish is still alive. How you ask. I have no idea but its true. Its not just one that looks the same. Its the actual one. There where 2 but the other one died the other day.